Devastated


I am not sure if I should be devastated or not. After I wrote my post the other day “Trouble already” – I went to the school to pick up my son…

They give him a status every day for his behavior… ‘Green’, ‘Yellow’, and ‘Red’… This is his first week at an ‘actual school’.  Day one he was green – I think every kid got a green on day 1…  Day 2- he got the Yellow for saying ‘NO’ – which prompted my last post…

So when I went to school  to pick him up on Wednesday and saw that his status was a HUGE RED… with the words “very disrespectful to teachers”, my heart just sunk.  I had talked to him Tuesday night AND Wednesday morning – trying to get him to realize that he had to be nice to his teachers.

Well, the teacher happened to come back in while I was trying to figure out what had happened.  I was informed by her that he would not sit in time out, he lifted up her skirt and smacked her on the leg, told her “NO” every time she asked him to sit down or pay attention.  She also let me know that ‘obviously’ talking to him didn’t help (My reaction here was that it had only been ONE day) – then she let me know that my child was the worst in the class.  This is where I ask – should I be devastated or not???  I was – definitely was!

So I tried to write down all of the things that have been going on with him and why he might be mis-behaving.

  1. He had 3 different teachers in the last 3 months at the old daycare…
  2. Not going to give details, but I have been very stressed the last 8 months – and I think this has affected him…  Actually I know it has!
  3. He is the youngest in his class – just turned 4 a couple of weeks ago…
  4. we moved to Florida a year ago, and then in May bought this house so we moved again…
  5. His father and I have not been consistent in disciplining him when he says no… (I know this is the key)
  6. He has always had issues with sleep (naps and bedtime) and now that we have to be scheduled, along with all the changes lately…
  7. He is off the charts in height, so he looks like he’s about 6… I believe this makes people expect too much from him!

So I decided to be proactive and make an appointment with a psychologist…  in all honesty I believe that I am the one that needs counseling on how to handle all that has been going on.. All I want is to raise a Happy, Healthy child – and I really do have a great son… so I am going to try to learn how to keep him that way!

This is the way I ended the note to the teacher..

“C really is a wonderful child.  He is empathetic, loving, caring, funny, helpful, and curious. He loves to learn, he asks questions trying to figure things out, has pretty good logic… and if he is interested in something – he really focuses.  I believe that he wants to always ask questions and has trouble when he is just told NO, with no explanation.  We are going to decide on certain things that are ‘RULES’ that he always has to follow without explanation, but I also want to find a way not to squash his inherent logic and curiosity by not allowing him to question things.  Hopefully, between us, the doctor and you all, we can find a way!”

So am I over-reacting??

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6 Responses to “Devastated”

  1. Steve Carter Says:

    You are not over-reacting Shelly. Not at all. Your son is YOUR pride and joy not theirs, and you would be failing him if you didn’t do everything possible for him.

    If my experience is anything to go by, and I did the same thing but with the school nurse AND my family Doctor, your psychologist will no doubt surmise that Connor is a normal 4 year old boy, and the problem lies with the so called professionals who are supposedly qualified to cope with these situations.

    I wish you luck with the school though. They will either close ranks and make it difficult for you, or thank you for bringing the attention of the teacher concerned to their attention.

    Hope this helps.

    Steve

    • randomshelly Says:

      It does help! I just think he’s being 4 and trying to figure things out… but this week has made me feel that I am a horrible mother and I am ruining my child and I don’t like that AT ALL… Any consolation – she did give him a green today said he was in timeout only once! So hopefully she is being objective! We’ll see what next week brings!

  2. Lark N Says:

    Well, not being a parent I certainly can’t offer advice. But I think asking for help from someone with training is never a bad thing. Afterall, it can only add “tools” to your parenting tool box.

    One thing that comes to mind when reading about him saying no a lot is a sense of frustration and lack of control for him. I agree it sounds like he has been pretty stressed by the recent lack of stability. This doubt will improve with time being in the new place. The counselor will no doubt have so nice tips of how to make him feel more secure and adjusted to the new routine. So that will be awesome.

    What startles me is the teacher’s attitude. He is a young child and is being labeled basically as a problem. I don’t like hearing that. Wondering if this teacher is contributing to the issues herself. She showed a great lack of empathy toward you and your son. If need be…go above her if you can’t work with her.

    You will make it!! You have a great perspective on the causes and care enough to get help! That equals a wonderful, loving mother! {hugs}

    • randomshelly Says:

      That is what I am hoping for – is tools to help ME be a better parent – specific to him….

      I also think that the lack of stability is the biggest factor – and hopefully that will change now….

      She startled me too!! I was speechless and I am hardly ever speechless!!! Especially for her to say that on day 3… but I will see how next week goes and go from there – (she did give him Green today – so she may be objective – I hope so!)

      Thanks for the words! I’ve felt horrible all week trying to decide what to do and working with him on understanding what school means and what is expected of him!

  3. Maryellen Says:

    Hey you! 🙂

    No, you’re not over reacting, the teacher is. I’ve had my issues with teachers in the past (email me and we can talk more) and frankly I think she was out of line to tell you your child was the worst in the class. You know your son better than anyone and I think you’re right that he should be allowed to question things and know why he’s told no. Sure, it can be frustrating at times, especially in a class with 20+ kids, but how else is he going to learn?

    Feel free to email me anytime and don’t let this block head of a teach get you down. And remember, when he graduates, no one is going to remember how she felt he behaved in preschool and whether she gave him reds. BUT, if you squash his inquisitiveness, that will be felt forever.

    You’re a GREAT mom. One suggestion, maybe find a way to explain going to the doctor so he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. Like the way you explained it to the teacher… you’re all going to work together to help him get the most out of school and enjoy it as much as he can, kwim? lol

    HUGS!!!

    • randomshelly Says:

      I will email you tonight!! I agree with what you’ve said and makes me feel better knowing I’m not going crazy! He just turned 4 so I KNOW that he is not a robot!! I will NEVER squash his inquisitiveness – EVER… He is very independent and I plan to work to make sure he stays that way! 🙂

      That is good advice on the doc – I will use that! 🙂

      HUGS Back!! 🙂


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