Oh my!


I have no idea why I did this today, but I went back on Sarah Robinson’s site (I linked it – but it is http://www.escaping-mediocrity.com)

I went back over the ’30 days to changing your game” series…  I read through the posts and the comments again.

I realized how many people I follow on Twitter or follow their blogs, I met through this series.  Wonderful people.  Generous people.  Caring people.  Supportive people. #awesome #amazing

I had actually forgotten how many of the people I interact with came from this series… again – amazing 🙂

I also realized that there were things I thought, imagined and swore I was going to do/change while those 30 days went on.  I haven’t done all of them.  I have done some of them.

When the series started, I found myself hesitant to comment…  I read the posts and comments and had opinions (of course), but I didn’t lend my voice…  I can’t imagine being hesitant any more.. so chalk up at least one thing I learned and accomplished. (and I did get better in the end!)

While those 30 days were going on… I had to keep asking myself what I wanted to change, what I wanted to do… and all I could come up with evolved around writing and getting myself back into shape.

Now?  Well, I resigned from that very, very well paying job.  I have started 2 companies and am trying to get them off the ground.

I still want to write, for sure, but I have not. <<will work on that…

All of the anxiety and the bad ‘mojo’ from last year has been eliminated from my soul.

I have gone through days of pure joy.

I have gone through days of pure hell.

I have gone through days of a roller coaster ride of both… 🙂

I have re-connected with some of the people – the tribe I met through this series… and that makes me smile.

Where am I now?  I am sitting on that wall between WTF am I doing… and I love what I’m planning and want to do!  Hope it works!  I know that when Sally reads this, she will give me a HARD shove away from the WTF! 🙂

Why is this so hard for me?

I think if I were single, I would be in a different mindset…  but, I may have just moved to a different location and gotten a job doing the same old thing for some robotic corporation… (programming database applications, system architecture, etc… or as my husband and mother put it… computer geek shit).

If I were single, I wouldn’t worry if this would work…

But I am not single, nor do I plan to be, so I must move forward and MAKE this work.

After becoming unemployed – resigned without a next step in place… (YIKES!)…  I wrote down everything that I am good at doing, and everything that I ENJOY doing… and this is where the 2 companies came from…

I decided a few things…

  • I do NOT want to work for anyone (permanently) again.
  • I do NOT want to go to useless meetings.
  • I do NOT want to sit in a cubicle and be a drone.
  • I DO want to get in, do projects and move on.
  • I DO want to do something that I love.

Having a husband, a 4 year old, and a dog that depend on my ability to pay the bills has really been the only thing that has caused me anxiety over this adventure.

Well, setting up the actual business stuff has produced some too, considering I have never done this stuff…

But the end result?  I’m happy.  I’m excited.  I’m ready.

So in essence, this post is a shout out to Sarah and her series…. the tribe of people I met through it, and the support I have gotten through my online community, both people from this series and not…

I also have extremely great support from people I met through supporting Southland, NCIS, Stargate and other great shows, along with other people that I am not sure how I ‘met’ – but am grateful that I did!! #justsaying  (need to write a good Follow Friday Post and call out these great people individually…  I will 🙂  soon…)

I really am blessed.

Thank You ALL 🙂

Subconsciousness


I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I believe that everything has a purpose.

**and let me add that I believe it is up to you, you control the things that happen and what you do with them (hence the title of the post)** 🙂

So, I know that the things that have been going on with me lately are crucial.  They have purpose.  I think I’ve discovered what the purpose is, now I need figure out what to do about it.

I read a blog post by Elizabeth Potts Weinstein the other day – you can read it here… I assume that subconsciously this post, the fact that I understand the feelings in it well, and then mix in the tweets I read from people on Twitter… is the reason that I experienced what I did… (and I left this comment on her blog)

Last night, I had a dream in a dream… Where @andybaldwin was following me around changing out my bad food for healthy, fresh food and making me exercise.

Why Andy Baldwin and not say Dr. Oz? I guess because he is a single, HOT navy doctor and I’ve been thinking of starting to get in shape to run a marathon #butimscared – anyway – I’m digressing…

So as he’s taking all my food and making me do stretches and exercises, He said, “you have to focus on you and get it right” and I gathered up my Kit Kats, Peanut M&Ms & Dr.Peppers and walked out to the car and said “If I was thinking about me, I wouldn’t be in this shape”

So I woke up and the first thought I had? SELF CARE. Live Your Truth talking to me for sure right? 🙂 (read the referenced blog and you will understand)

I know that I wasn’t just referring to my physical shape when talking about being in this shape…

I was talking about my health, my career, my livelihood, my happiness…

Then tonight… While Reading to my son…  One of the Many Dr. Seuss books…  We read “Oh, the places you’ll go!”

I brought the book down and then tweeted these two parts…

…And when you’re in a slump, you’re not in for much fun, Un-slumping yourself is not easily done…

…I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too.  Games you can’t win ’cause you’ll play against you…

He’s a smart man… that Dr. Seuss 🙂

So to end it off..

…But on you will go  though the weather be foul.  On you will go though your enemies prowl…

…On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

…And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

…Today is your day!  Your mountain is waiting. So… get on your way!…

interesting huh??

🙂

wasting time?


Boy, I feel like I have done a lot today, and I also feel that I have been wasting time!  I have re-vamped my blogs, changed the colors and the formats and I had so much fun doing that!

I’ve played the Wii with my son…    I get so tickled when he has to explain the game to me and what I am supposed to be doing!  Now I can date my self severely with this next statement, but the last video game I played before we got the Wii, was Atari.

Long time ago!

Today is a good day.  Tonight and tomorrow are bringing me hope of things getting back on track.

This last week has been awesome for me.  I have lost all of the anxiety I have felt over the last 2 years, I have a plan, I have hope in my future playing out like I envision it.  I have connected with some really great people.

Southland was awesome 🙂

Wine was good.

My son was green at school.

My husband… well I’m not supposed to talk about him on here anymore… but he had a good week too! 🙂

Hope everyone else is doing the things they want.  Being the person they want to be and driving toward the thing in life that you really want to do.  There is nothing more exciting.  Nothing more ‘free-ing’.  Nothing more needed.

Here’s to us!

Shifting…


How many of you watched the House episode last week?  Well, I did.  Sat there and watched it with my hubby.

So a quick recap for those who don’t watch it…  A blogger, a really popular one I guess, got sick and blogged the whole thing..  You know, when House and his team always almost kill them the 3 given times in the episode…  I love the show, don’t get me wrong!  So the blogger’s husband is irritated with her for the amount of time she spends blogging and all of the personal stuff she blogs about her husband, their lives, herself…

So my hubby says, I could never be married to her.  She just publicizes all this private stuff…  UH OH.  So I say “so, ummm…  you don’t read my blog?”  and then the TV goes on pause…

We banter back and forth about the personal stuff I put on here…  I tell him that I don’t mention his name or our son’s…  but he is not happy.

At all.

So I agree to not post a lot of private stuff about them on here anymore…

But then I start thinking…

I don’t really post that much about them anyway.   So I pause the DVR again and let him know that I don’t get into specifics, and that I don’t talk about anything on here that I wouldn’t want his mother reaading…  I think she checks in every so often (Am I right?)

That seems to appease him some what…

But I can tell he’s not sold!

So thanks writers of House – I may have to shift my blog a little…

But then again…  that isn’t my way. 🙂

weird and good day


ok – so I had a weird day…  Had to go to a meeting with the President of the company – which went well… then we went to lunch – it was good – even though we ended up talking about the situation at work that I mentioned in an earlier post – but still ok…

Then we drive back to the office and I rub my nose – blood…  I think WHAT?  finally find some tissues, then get a mirror and realize that it is not coming out of my nose – but on the side… and A LOT…  SO I called my dermatologist and went in – got some creme to put on it – hope that doesn’t happen again – really freaked me out…

Then I head home and get hit with a head cold… I was supposed to go to a party tonight with the girls! – and I had to cancel 😦 – which really bummed me out – came home, curled up in bed and slept.

Then brought the laptop in and got entertained by the twitterverse while watching NCIS!  Can you really watch that show too much (and no, my hubby does not get a vote on that). Had some wine and cold meds!! :0

So my 3 year old brings in his ‘GO FISH’ cards(which are really helping him learn his alphabet – he is so awesome!! sorry, I digress…)  we played a game (he won)… So I asked him what mommy could write about tonight…  He put his finger to his lips, tapped it a few times (again, SO CUTE!) and said “Something good”

I said, “Ok, what is good to say” – He said “I love you” (so much better than the H word the other night – still in shell shock from it – but recovering.. digressing again…)

Then he said “Sing Old MacDonald” – well I’m not going to make a video of me singing that to post – so just imagine someone who can’t sing – but has fun singing it with her son…

So those are my good things to say! My son is awesome!

change


You know, I’ve read a lot of tweets – Hubby says I am addicted and need an intervention – but I say no – I am just having fun.

I can read these tweets – I don’t always keep up, I answer when I have time and just enjoy when just popping in and out of the office – or on twitterberry…

One of the people I follow is Kathy Ireland, and honestly before following her –I only thought of her as the SI model. I remember somewhere back in my memory that she started doing other things with companies and stopped modeling, but that was the extent of my knowledge!  So in following her – I actually think I may need to buy her book.  She always seems positive – and while I am not a faith based person and she is – I can understand what she is saying and how she is living her life.

Recently, something must be happening to her with some follower(s) who are threatening her or something – because the exchanges with her and Del Williams are intriguing.  I can see Del’s point of view – why engage with someone whose only purpose is to be hurtful, mean or threatening to you and/or your family?  But then what actually amazes me – and anyone who knows me will be amazed that I am impressed – is the fact that not only is she answering these people – she is actually trying to help them!

Have to say that my first instinct would be to ignore them and block them – I mean who needs that in their life?  But then I have read her replies about it – She pushes people to express their ideas, they will either stick to them and not change, or will realize that their anger/hatred is really for something else – not her – and will possibly get help. She’s positive and asks questions and draws out responses – quite amazing actually (I obviously do not know Kathy Ireland – but that is my take on what she tries to do)

So I was just about to go to bed and I thought – what if I did that? What if I resisted my first – and feels like natural – instinct to ignore people, to be reclusive, to not give ‘troublesome’ people the time of day?  Would I feel better?  Would my anxiety level decrease? Would I help someone out? Good questions for me…  I don’t see me jumping right into the bright and sunshine world – but I do see me trying to look at things differently and to see what I can or can’t change about me – starting now.

Rejected! BLAM!


I have been sitting here TRYING to read my new book on SQL SERVER 2008 (yeah, I’m a geek). It is a very hard thing to do… it leaves me wondering… how in the world do you get through a whole chapter without your eyes glazing over? I guess the fact that I have my ipod plugged in and I catch myself doing a little dance – or that someone I’m following on Twitter has Tweeted doesn’t help much either!

I saw a great video on twitter from @SteveIsaacs about twitiquette… found it through a RT by @Alyssa_Milano … He has a few and they are good. I then went out and tried to find people I thought were funny or might have good tweets – non famous people – because I thought there might actually be a chance to get a reply from someone who didn’t have thousands of people following them… So I found one person – @WitchyWriter – got to that ID by clicking through NCIS stuff – she had some funny comments about Dexter and I thought OK – I’ll follow… of course I then got blocked!! wow – rejection!! oh well, I will survive! I think I blocked a few people at first b/c I thought “I haven’t even posted yet – why would they follow me” thought it was an auto thing… I wonder how to unblock them???

So I will go clicking again later and see if I can find some interesting people… I have replied to a few of the famous people – supposedly – still not sure how you tell if it is the real person or not – some are very funny regardless – and post interesting links! I have yet to get one reply back though! 😦 – I guess it could be b/c I’m boring… NAH – that CAN’T be it!

I did get a DM from Cesar Millan – but I imagine everyone who follows him does! I love watching the Dog Whisperer! My mother is a Veterinarian and she gives his advice all the time and tries to tell people that they need to train themselves!! 🙂

OK – well now that I am done with my snack (protein bar) – I guess I better get back to reading, glazing, reading, dancing, reading, twittering, reading, glazing… you get the picture!!

twitter


This weekend, I tried to explain to a friend why I was on twitter… and she didn’t buy it… didn’t understand why it would be cool to know that Joe was ‘going to the store’ – I kind of agree with that one… but I think it is cool and so very addicting!

But a real question that I would love to have answered – and I don’t know really how to have it answered is… are these celebrities that I am ‘following’ – are they really the people they say they are? The only reason I would want to know – is it would be nice if you could see if these celebrities actually have a personality – and what it is… I think this is a cool way for them to connect with their fans without having to be approached in person… I cannot imagine being a celebrity and having every move I make reported… can’t go out to eat, go to the grocery store – whatever – without someone taking a picture or whatever… I am one of those people who think that when a celebrity does a public event – they are on – it is their ‘job’. Making an appearance and doing interviews or greeting fans or whatever…. but when they are having a private dinner, shopping, driving down the road, at their own house – whatever…. then that is their time and they should be left alone….

I have made some replies to some of the people I am following, but haven’t gotten a response back!… I am sure that my tweets get lost in the plethora of responses that they get – and since I have no idea who these people really are it is fine with me – I love that we can put ideas out there – debate, hear ideas and get posts to interesting and fun things too!

I also have these announcements that someone is now following me – I wonder how you determine that you are going to follow just a normal person that you don’t know? The only reason that I have selected certain celebrities to follow is because I like their work and would love to see what kinds of things they say/do and if they are fun, interesting or boring! 🙂

Anyway – never got my friend to understand or accept twitter – I am hoping that maybe as I learn more about it and get more into it – I could be a better spokesperson and have her see the light! Who knows!! I have to learn a lot more though!!

Though I do have to say that if Twitter does agree to do the reality show where people stalk celebrities – I will quit using it – that is just wrong! If you are going to have a show that extols the fun and immediate nature of Twitter – then make it where the person being followed – or stalked or whatever they want to call it – agrees with it… I cannot even imagine how horrible it would be to be stalked by strangers – I mean don’t celebrities get enough of that already???

Memorial Day


On twitter today I sent out an ‘ethereal shout out’ to the men and women who died giving us our freedom. Thank you! There aren’t words enough to express.
This morning at my friend’s house, we talked about going to lunch and she asked her hubby to choose where we go for lunch in honor of his service in the Marine Corps…

He said that today was not Veterans Day – it was Memorial Day and since he was alive, today wasn’t for him.

So we went to lunch and drank a toast to his friend that did die in Iraq – he wears a memorial bracelet for him. To me, that completely sums up what today is all about

In my home, we have dedicated a whole room to ‘patriotism’… I call it the red, white and blue room – cheesy I know, but we have the colors in there and they look nice, deep colors. The room is filled with the flag from my husband’s uncle’s funeral, his pictures and medals, pictures of his grandfathers in their uniforms, and my grandfather in his… also a few other meaningful memorabilia. I love this room and what it means to both my husband and me!

I hope that everyone today at least once thought about the men and women who died to give them the freedoms that they enjoy and just didn’t write today off as a free day off from work!

no idea


Going to have to quit numbering these blogs because I will inevitably get the numbering off somewhere!!

So irritated last night with American Idol… How freaking hard it is to end the program on time??? BAD PRODUCERS!! or whoever it is in show business that controls that sort of thing! Just like at the awards shows – GEE – if people are running over on one part – kill something else… anyway – so since I dvr everything, I missed the ending of Idol. Up until the announcement – Chris Daughtry and Ausiello were tweeting constantly – but nothing for a bit after – DANG!!! – so I had to go get on the net and look it up. Congratulations Kris! Both of these guys were good and will make good albums – I also think Allison, Matt and Danny will make an album pretty quickly! I just hope they have good people behind them who will work with them to make a good album! Out of all of them – I think that Adam will be least likely to let anyone else run over him and compromise his strengths and talents… Just kills me when you have such a talent and the ‘experts’ who are helping them (LOL) force them to do cheesy songs because that will sell…. if the music is good – it will sell… anyway – not really a soapbox I should be on!

So then I watched one of the shows that was also being taped (hence the missing of the end of Idol because you can only record 2 things at once, and at 10 I was taping Criminal Minds and Law&Order… anyway – watched the season finale of Criminal Minds – both episodes… YUCK on the pig farm – just gross!! Reminded me of the HBO show Deadwood… so who in the world was the guy at the end after Hotch?? Obvioulsy it was from an old case where he didn’t make a deal and something happened – will have to search the memory (good luck with that one) to figure it out before next season… or more than likely I will forget about it until it is time to start back up though… 🙂

Can’t decide if I am going to watch Royal Pains this summer or not – seems like it might be good – like the actors – we’ll see… I still don’t know why more series don’t try to be summer series – I mean – not much to watch most of the time except re-runs! why not get a good following in some summer months… a lot of competition for fall and spring… and some really good shows get canceled because they don’t get a chance to find their place and get their footing… if they would run in the summer – they might have a better chance!! look at The Closer!! big hit – plays in the summer! – just saying!

ok – so this morning, my 3 year old was getting dressed for school and he came in singing “hokey pokey” – “put your right foot in, put your right foot out, do the hokey pokey and turn your SOCK around” – too cute!