Overwhelm


I am overwhelmed.

😦

Period.

I posted the song of my life right now “Bring on the rain” a while back…  then followed it up with “Unstoppable“….  The meanings behind those 2 songs haven’t changed.

I have never run a business.

I have never sold anything in my life.

I am a computer programmer… a good one… I can write a kick ass client/server or even Web Database application…  but when I started all this new business stuff, I had to do websites and shopping carts and eCommerce and PayPal and Merchant Gateways and, and, and…  I had total information overload…  C.O.M.P.L.E.T.E.L.Y. 

Not to mention designing and making  the jewelry, and organizing, and bank accounts, and tax numbers, and LLCs, and merchant accounts, and cooking dinner, and getting quality time with my family, and laundry, and  and, and…. the same stuff everyone has to deal with on a daily basis…

So in essence, I exploded.

But then I started to look at all the pieces of me lying around and I noticed something…

I have gotten a lot done.

A lot of behind the scenes stuff is set.

I have made some things and something…

So slowly, I’m putting the pieces together where they go… 

Having appreciation for what they are and what they mean…

My mom, family, friends, husband and son are also finding ways to help me pick up the pieces and make them shine again…

I am overwhelmed…

🙂

Love is Unstoppable


As most of you know, my taste is music is pretty varied…  Looking at my iPod right now, to prove the point, the next songs in the list are : Coolio, Garth Brooks, Frank Sinatra, Nickelback, The Fray, Pink, Barry Manilow, Shakira, Chris Blake, Carrie Underwood…   (I only go into this because the songs I’ve posted references to… are country…  that could be a whole other post – why country songs offer so much inspiration… #justsaying)

Ok – so in that 10 I did not hit the song I am referencing today (this particular list has 143 songs)…

So, as I was driving home the song by Rascal Flatts “Unstoppable” came on…  I love that song…

Obviously, or it wouldn’t be in my list #duh.

I think it goes nicely with my last post “Bring on the Rain” – and shows where I’m headed…

I came home, got on You Tube to find the video – and came across this one with the Olympics…  I have put the lyrics under the video with my own comments about the song relating to me…  but if you haven’t watch the video – GREAT SONG, great inspiration from the Olympians…

“Unstoppable”

Yeah yeah yeah..
Hey

 So, so you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Cracked a brick when you hit the wall
Yeah, you’ve had a pocket full of regrets
Pull you down faster than a sunset
Hey, it happens to us all

Yes it does…  to us all, some more than others, I’ve made my share of mistakes, but I have taken responsibility for them all – so no real regrets…

When the cold hard rain just won’t quit
And you can’t see your way out of it

I hate that people ever feel like this… I may get down at times – but I have never felt that I couldn’t see my way out…  Well that is kind of a lie – there was the one big big big situation that at first I was SURE I would never get out of…  but… I did (Thanks family)

CHORUS
You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what’s been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don’t give in
It’ll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable

My FAVORITE line – “it always does… Love is unstoppable”

Love, it can weather any storm,
Bring you back to being born, again
oh, it’s a helping hand when you need it most
A lighthouse shining on the coast
That never goes dim

When your heart is full of doubt
And you think that there’s no way out

CHORUS

Like a river keeps on rolling
Like the north wind blowing
Don’t it feel good knowing
Yeah

CHORUS

Love is unstoppable
So you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Love, love is unstoppable

What else is there to say??

oh yeah, Elvis is on now…  LOL

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So, so you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Cracked a brick when you hit the wall
Yeah, you’ve had a pocketfull of regrets
Pull you down faster than a sunset
Hey, it happens to us all

Yes it does…  to us all, some more than others, I’ve made my share of mistakes, but I have taken responsibility for them all – so no real regrets…


When the cold, hard rain just won’t quit
And you can’t see your way out of it

I hate that people ever feel like this… I may get down at times – but I have never felt that I couldn’t see my way out…  Well that is kind of a lie – there was the one big big big situation that at first I was SURE I would never get out of…  but… I did (Thanks family)

[Chorus]
You find your faith that’s been lost and shaken
You take back what’s been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don’t give in
It’ll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable

My FAVORITE line – “it always does… Love is unstoppable”

Love, it can weather any storm
Bring you back to being born, again
Oh, it’s the helping hand
When you needed it most
The lightouse shining on the coast
That never goes dim
When your heart is full of doubt
As you think that there’s no way out

[Chorus]
You find your faith that’s been lost and shaken
You take back what’s been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don’t give in
It’ll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable

It’s unstoppable

Like a river keeps on rollin’
Like a north wind blowin’
Don’t it feel good knowin’
Yeah–

[Chorus]
You find your faith that’s been lost and shaken
You take back what’s been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don’t give in
It’ll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable

Love is unstoppable
So, so you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
But love, love is unstoppable

Bring on the Rain


As some may know, I recently found a song that *currently* represents my life (thanks to a post by Sally G)

Currently, these lyrics are  my status on Facebook – but I thought it would be cathartic to explain in a little more detail, why these are my lyrics at the moment.  (and FYI – this is mostly about my career, and a specific personal situation – if you know me, you know what I’m talking about)

Plus it is a beautiful song sung by Jo Dee Messina and Tim McGraw… I hope you enjoy it!

(Billy Montana/Helen Darling)

Another day has almost come and gone,
Can’t imagine what else could go wrong.

**well I can imagine – but that is another post

Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door.

**Actually have done that.. doors locked, alarm set, ambien taken #justsaying

A single battle lost but not the war.

*******NEVER THE WAR – #iwillalwaysprevail #justsaying

‘Cause tomorrow’s another day
and I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain.

**reminds me of gone with the wind, that I should drink more water, and that I am ready for whatever is coming – I know I *eventually* will handle it.

It’s almost like the hard times circle ’round.
A couple drops and they all start comin down.

**when it rains it pours right? Sure feels that way! #life

Yeah, I might feel defeated,

**and I do… I so do feel that way – or have most of last year and first of this one..  looking up though… 🙂

I might hang my head,

**I would if my shoulders weren’t plastered to my ears…  but then again, hanging my head in this instance stretches my neck out and it feels better – especially with a hard sigh #seriously

I might be barely breathing, but I’m not dead.

**Hell yes

No, cause tomorrow’s another day,
and I’m thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain.

**again. same as above – by this point in the song I realize that the rain I drink in makes me stronger…  #liveandlearn

No I’m not gonna let it get me down.
I’m not cry,
and I’m not gonna lose any sleep tonight.

**well I have cried, I have lost sleep and I have let it get me down, but not anymore! #havetolistentothissongalotsometimes

‘Cause tomorrow’s another day,
and I am not afraid,
so bring on the rain.

**I am NOT AFRAID – and I love that line

tomorrow’s another day,
and I’m thirsty anyway,
so bring on the rain.

No I’m not gonna let get me down,
I’m not gonna cry.
so bring on the rain.

Bring on the rain
Bring on the rain

What say you?  This song may not resonate with everyone right now – I so hope it doesn’t – but when you feel like this…  jam this song really loud and sing to your heart’s content – it helps 🙂

I listen to the song in the car…  my son has said “I like this song , mommy!” and he proceeds to sing the lyrics really loud… Then asks “Why do we want it to rain?  We can’t swim when it rains”  I’m telling you, that boy can make my day – and actually does – every.single.day. 🙂

Mother’s Day Wish


What would I like for Mother’s Day?  Well, for starters, I would like a whole day without someone questioning the choices I make for my son.

If I want to send him junk food in his lunch, I will.

If I think it is OK that he touched some other 4-year-old girl’s hair at school, I am not going to punish him because he got YELLOW at school for doing that.  I guess I can’t argue with their ‘rules’, but PUH-LEASE…  I remember being knocked down, jumped on and wrestled.  He touched a girl’s hair and patted it (like he does mine.) Get.over.it.

If I throw away one of his toys because he threw it down the stairs, I will.  (obviously this is after telling him that is what would happen if he did it again)

If I want to make him eat at the table and sit up straight. I will.

If I don’t feel that a 4-year-old who has great teeth needs to go to the dentist RIGHT NOW. I won’t take him.

If I feel it is OK for him to watch a movie.  He will.

If I decide to let him play the DS.  He will.

Get the point?  🙂

Sheesh…  bad week for me I guess…  but come on.

Anyway, on to some lighter stuff and less BS…

Well some time during the last month, my son has come up with new sayings… I should really write them down when I laugh at them… but, I really haven’t.  I think I will remember them, but obviously I don’t… 😦

His absolutely favorite one right now is :  “Mommy, I need to tell you something”

If I have heard that once, I’ve heard it 1,000 times lately… Though we have finally learned the difference between telling and asking…

So actually about half of them are “I need to ask you something.”

His questions and things he has to tell you are interesting…  He gets so excited about things!

He has also been setting rules for things… and everything is a competition… luckily, he always picks me for his team.. 🙂

He has such an awesome imagination..  sometimes I just get enthralled in the stuff he comes up with.

So ultimately I have what I want for mother’s day.. I have an awesome kid…  seriously.  I know I am biased, but he is a smart, caring, empathetic, curious child. 🙂  He has his moments… what kid doesn’t… but mostly, they only last for a VERY short time and he moves on…

A great example was in the pool the other day, He asked me…

“Do you hate me because I got in trouble at school?”

“I will never hate you sweetie…”

“You will always love me?”

“Yes, of course I will always, always love you.”

“Even when I’m bad?”

“Yes, even when you are bad, I will love you.”

“Will you always like me?”

“Hmm…  yes, I will always like you.  I may be mad at something you did, but I will always like YOU”

“So you love me forever and ever and always?”

“Yes, forever and ever and always.”

“I love you mommy”

“I love you too sweetie”

So my mother’s day is already special because not only do I ignore most of the people telling me how to raise my child (99.9% of the time) – my child loves me…

He tells me that every day at least 10 times.  I tell him that just as many times too.  I cherish those times, those words, the love I see in his eyes, the hugs I get and the cuddles.  I know there will come a day when I won’t get that as much, but my goal is to never let that light of love in his eyes diminish! 🙂

So Happy Mother’s Day to every mother out there…  whether you are aware of it or not, if you love your children, they know it.  We all have moments, we all make iffy decisions and we all do the best that we can…  I question myself all the time… but I learn from my mistakes, I make sure he knows he is loved and I listen to what he has to say.  It’s the best that I can do.

Updates


First of all, I want to apologize to anyone who had their Google Reader inundated with posts from me!  I just went through all of my posts and added tags – and I didn’t realize that updates got sent to the reader! Sorry.

Now I know.

However, in reading the posts, I laughed.  I went back to the beginning and read my posts…  funny (to me).  However, reading “Forever Humbled” and “Memorial Day” made me tear up because I remember the emotions I had writing them (even though the emotion doesn’t come straight through in the posts…)

I almost deleted a bunch of them, but then decided, NO!  I won’t do that.

I also saw a theme and am literally kicking myself in the ass for it…

Motivation.

Getting it and doing something with it.

Seems I have all the ‘best intentions’ when I write these posts… (I even named a post that) – but as I read post after post of me saying I was going to do this or start that, I had to slam my head down on the desk and then say UH OH.

I haven’t done them…

I haven’t exercised every day (I have even recently let my exercise blog go as cold as my muscles have been)

I haven’t eaten 5 times a day.

I haven’t stopped snacking at night.

I haven’t written much on any of my stories.

I haven’t been the positive public person I strive to be.

So what have I done?

A lot…  Thanks for asking 😉

I have been told by the therapist that I took my son to, that he does not need to see her (its been quite a few months… just giving updates here)

I have been told by my son’s teachers that his behavior has markedly improved to the point of “did he have a problem?”.  (I LOVED HEARING THAT… just saying)

I have been taking my vitamins.

I have been sleeping better.

I have been more patient with my son.

I have been spending more quality time with my husband.

I have been interacting socially (IRL, not just online!)

May not be all that I have planned to do, but I am happy about having done all of those things… and even though I have a lot more to do, and the things on my list are important…  I’m finally doing and getting to the place that I needed to be…

I am happy.

…. update complete 🙂

wasting time?


Boy, I feel like I have done a lot today, and I also feel that I have been wasting time!  I have re-vamped my blogs, changed the colors and the formats and I had so much fun doing that!

I’ve played the Wii with my son…    I get so tickled when he has to explain the game to me and what I am supposed to be doing!  Now I can date my self severely with this next statement, but the last video game I played before we got the Wii, was Atari.

Long time ago!

Today is a good day.  Tonight and tomorrow are bringing me hope of things getting back on track.

This last week has been awesome for me.  I have lost all of the anxiety I have felt over the last 2 years, I have a plan, I have hope in my future playing out like I envision it.  I have connected with some really great people.

Southland was awesome 🙂

Wine was good.

My son was green at school.

My husband… well I’m not supposed to talk about him on here anymore… but he had a good week too! 🙂

Hope everyone else is doing the things they want.  Being the person they want to be and driving toward the thing in life that you really want to do.  There is nothing more exciting.  Nothing more ‘free-ing’.  Nothing more needed.

Here’s to us!

Shifting…


How many of you watched the House episode last week?  Well, I did.  Sat there and watched it with my hubby.

So a quick recap for those who don’t watch it…  A blogger, a really popular one I guess, got sick and blogged the whole thing..  You know, when House and his team always almost kill them the 3 given times in the episode…  I love the show, don’t get me wrong!  So the blogger’s husband is irritated with her for the amount of time she spends blogging and all of the personal stuff she blogs about her husband, their lives, herself…

So my hubby says, I could never be married to her.  She just publicizes all this private stuff…  UH OH.  So I say “so, ummm…  you don’t read my blog?”  and then the TV goes on pause…

We banter back and forth about the personal stuff I put on here…  I tell him that I don’t mention his name or our son’s…  but he is not happy.

At all.

So I agree to not post a lot of private stuff about them on here anymore…

But then I start thinking…

I don’t really post that much about them anyway.   So I pause the DVR again and let him know that I don’t get into specifics, and that I don’t talk about anything on here that I wouldn’t want his mother reaading…  I think she checks in every so often (Am I right?)

That seems to appease him some what…

But I can tell he’s not sold!

So thanks writers of House – I may have to shift my blog a little…

But then again…  that isn’t my way. 🙂