Parenting Skills


I’ve been thinking a lot lately about parenting skills.

The ones I have…  The ones I don’t have… or think I don’t have…

The ones others do or don’t have.

Boy, do I have a headache from all of that!

What prompted this?  You mean besides the never-ending conversation that goes through my head (and surely most parent’s heads)…  Am I doing the right things with my son?  Does he know that I love him?  Is he happy?  Does he have everything he needs?  Does he eat healthy enough?  Am I sending him into therapy later because of my actions…  and a million more actually…

Confession time (those that know me already know this though) – I have a temper.  I yell.  One good thing though, when I am over it, I’m over it.  I don’t bring it up again, I get it all out and I’m done.

I have a few friends that probably still to this day ‘can handle it’, but they don’t get it.  They are quiet and keep a lot inside.  I just don’t ever do that.  My husband (and yes, I’m aware I’m supposed to minimize what I write about him in the blog, but…) he doesn’t yell.  Well he does, but I have to really push him to it and even then it is not a lot.  Me on the other hand, the neighbors 3 houses down can hear me. #justsaying #notproudofit

What’s the point of sharing that completely unflattering personality trait of mine?  To kind of explain what happened this week.  Let me preface though by stating that over the last year, I have worked extra hard to curb my yelling.  doing the walking away thing, the breathing, etc… and it has been working… I am A LOT better… but still…

The other morning, I woke up my son as usual, asked him what he wanted for breakfast, came down stairs and made it. (Toasted Peanut Butter and Jelly) Put it on the table.

He comes into the kitchen and starts whining and crying because he wanted what he asked for.  I tell him to go sit down at the dining room table.  I figured when he gets in there, he’ll see I made him what he asked for and he will be happy and eat.

Silence.

I gather up my very healthy English muffin (which is what made him start crying when he saw it) and go into the dining room.

He had taken his plate and slid it across the table.  He starts whining and crying again.

I pick up the plate, go into the kitchen and tell him that he can just have a breakfast bar.  He says he will throw it away.

I lost it.

I start yelling.  He starts crying.  I tell him that I made him what he asked for and he threw it across the table, so he can go without breakfast.

Now he wants it.  He starts crying more…  I yell more…

He says in between gulping breaths “You hurt my feelings, You hurt my heart”

I pause, steel myself to keep from crying and throwing up and die a little in my own heart.

I calm down.

Then we have a 5 minute discussion about the fact that I made him what he asked for and he disrespected me by not even looking and then acting so badly.

I tell him that he hurt my feelings and my heart too.  He apologizes.  I apologize.

Now let’s move on to some good parenting… I think…. 🙂

WOW..  So I take him to school and then go to karate class, where the instructor works ALL of the energy out of me. WHEW.

Then yesterday, his school (he is in pre-kindergarten) had a field trip.  I took forever to sign the permission slip.  Am I just weird?  Freaks me out to think of him going off of the school grounds.  I am not sure when I am going to ever stop feeling like that… if I ever do…  So I reached a compromise… I let him go, he could ride on the bus…  but I signed up to chaperon the event and would follow the bus.  Closely. Seriously.  I ask again, am I crazy?  Don’t answer that! 🙂

When we got there, I was in charge of my son (of course) and another child…  We had a spectacular time!  Though note to self… when you have to hold 2 little boy’s hands, leave your purse in the car…  lesson learned.

They didn’t plan the timing very well… when snack time came around, we were way out and in the middle of something…  kids started complaining!  My son said, “Ugh, I’m out of energy, I’m empty” and the other little boy said, “I’m hungry, where is my snack.”

Ummmm…

Luckily, I had put my son’s snack in my purse (maybe not such a bad thing that I was awkward carrying it now).  I pulled out the Cheese-its and they shared… (and a few other kids came running over too).  Then we tracked back to the bus to get the packed snacks and for about 15 minutes the kids were all quiet!  Maybe they did time that right after all?

So now I’ve covered one of my bad parenting skills (yelling) and one of my good ones (being prepared)…  The questions still flow through my head all the time… but I am learning to find the answers…  Seeing what I am doing wrong, and what I am doing right…. and hopefully I will fill up the ‘I rock’ side soon and leave the ‘I suck’ side lonely… 🙂

Subconsciousness


I believe that everything happens for a reason.

I believe that everything has a purpose.

**and let me add that I believe it is up to you, you control the things that happen and what you do with them (hence the title of the post)** 🙂

So, I know that the things that have been going on with me lately are crucial.  They have purpose.  I think I’ve discovered what the purpose is, now I need figure out what to do about it.

I read a blog post by Elizabeth Potts Weinstein the other day – you can read it here… I assume that subconsciously this post, the fact that I understand the feelings in it well, and then mix in the tweets I read from people on Twitter… is the reason that I experienced what I did… (and I left this comment on her blog)

Last night, I had a dream in a dream… Where @andybaldwin was following me around changing out my bad food for healthy, fresh food and making me exercise.

Why Andy Baldwin and not say Dr. Oz? I guess because he is a single, HOT navy doctor and I’ve been thinking of starting to get in shape to run a marathon #butimscared – anyway – I’m digressing…

So as he’s taking all my food and making me do stretches and exercises, He said, “you have to focus on you and get it right” and I gathered up my Kit Kats, Peanut M&Ms & Dr.Peppers and walked out to the car and said “If I was thinking about me, I wouldn’t be in this shape”

So I woke up and the first thought I had? SELF CARE. Live Your Truth talking to me for sure right? 🙂 (read the referenced blog and you will understand)

I know that I wasn’t just referring to my physical shape when talking about being in this shape…

I was talking about my health, my career, my livelihood, my happiness…

Then tonight… While Reading to my son…  One of the Many Dr. Seuss books…  We read “Oh, the places you’ll go!”

I brought the book down and then tweeted these two parts…

…And when you’re in a slump, you’re not in for much fun, Un-slumping yourself is not easily done…

…I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too.  Games you can’t win ’cause you’ll play against you…

He’s a smart man… that Dr. Seuss 🙂

So to end it off..

…But on you will go  though the weather be foul.  On you will go though your enemies prowl…

…On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

…And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

…Today is your day!  Your mountain is waiting. So… get on your way!…

interesting huh??

🙂

Spring Break


So…  I originally started a post about this week being my son’s spring break…  I couldn’t write anything other than that sentence.

Then last night, I felt like the worst mommy in the world.  I got frustrated with my son, not only for his BAD behavior at bedtime, but for the entire week.  So for this week, I suck as a mom.

I thought it would be good for us to go visit relatives around Florida.

We went to Ft. Meyers and then to Boca.  We were going to go down to the keys too – but that got nipped.

So why does this make me suck?

Imagine taking a 4 year old to people’s houses who have EVERYTHING in its place.  Don’t touch anything!

That really doesn’t make a good time with a 4 year old who doesn’t understand they can’t play with anything.

NOTE TO SELF: Disney world, Busch Gardens, Aquarium… anything for kids.

Lesson learned.

Now… today, I decided to spend the day in the pool with my son to make up for last night and to have fun.

As I am sure any mom knows, he already forgot about getting in trouble…

And we had a great day!

Oh, by the way, did I forget to mention that while playing in the pool with his dad, I swam over, and my precious little boy flew back in to me and broke my nose… again!

First on January 1st, and now on April 3rd!

So new rule… no tickling my son when I am around – or else make sure I never come up behind him again!

OUCH!  I know the headache will last 2 weeks, so that should be fun.  Only good thing is that it didn’t telescope this time, just crunched.  I don’t think there is any doubt now that I will end up having the surgery when I can. ARRGGG!!

So tomorrow is the last day of spring break.  We have plans to swim again and cook out.

Can’t wait 🙂

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Updates


First of all, I want to apologize to anyone who had their Google Reader inundated with posts from me!  I just went through all of my posts and added tags – and I didn’t realize that updates got sent to the reader! Sorry.

Now I know.

However, in reading the posts, I laughed.  I went back to the beginning and read my posts…  funny (to me).  However, reading “Forever Humbled” and “Memorial Day” made me tear up because I remember the emotions I had writing them (even though the emotion doesn’t come straight through in the posts…)

I almost deleted a bunch of them, but then decided, NO!  I won’t do that.

I also saw a theme and am literally kicking myself in the ass for it…

Motivation.

Getting it and doing something with it.

Seems I have all the ‘best intentions’ when I write these posts… (I even named a post that) – but as I read post after post of me saying I was going to do this or start that, I had to slam my head down on the desk and then say UH OH.

I haven’t done them…

I haven’t exercised every day (I have even recently let my exercise blog go as cold as my muscles have been)

I haven’t eaten 5 times a day.

I haven’t stopped snacking at night.

I haven’t written much on any of my stories.

I haven’t been the positive public person I strive to be.

So what have I done?

A lot…  Thanks for asking 😉

I have been told by the therapist that I took my son to, that he does not need to see her (its been quite a few months… just giving updates here)

I have been told by my son’s teachers that his behavior has markedly improved to the point of “did he have a problem?”.  (I LOVED HEARING THAT… just saying)

I have been taking my vitamins.

I have been sleeping better.

I have been more patient with my son.

I have been spending more quality time with my husband.

I have been interacting socially (IRL, not just online!)

May not be all that I have planned to do, but I am happy about having done all of those things… and even though I have a lot more to do, and the things on my list are important…  I’m finally doing and getting to the place that I needed to be…

I am happy.

…. update complete 🙂

weekend


SOOO.. I feel better!  WOO HOO!

I walked ALL over the MacDill AFB on Saturday watching the planes, sky divers and then the Blue Angels… and since I did it with very little sleep AND a hangover… that counts as exercise… right??

And tonight, I walked on the treadmill for a mile!  I will do it again in the morning.

and… I am not EVEN going to talk about diet!

Just saying…  Maybe I’ll be better tomorrow 😉

Happy Green Day!


I’ve got a good story to pull out for St. Patrick’s Day…  But first let me tell you a quick story about my sucky mommy skills from last night…

Last night, my son had a ‘test’ at his karate class.  Even though he wasn’t REALLY focused, he did pretty well.  He got his next belt.

So where is the ‘bad mommy’ part?  I didn’t bring a camcorder to record it, I didn’t take pictures while he was doing his routine.

So at the end, when they were putting on his new belt, I pulled out the iPhone and started recording.. you can’t zoom (or I don’t know how) so you can’t really tell it is him… So I was watching it through the phone when I noticed that he was standing there, with the instructor, holding his old belt and looking around.  Seems I was supposed to go and get the old belt from him.  I suck.  So I jumped up and pushed my way through the crowd and and I could hear “THERE she is”.  So he ran over and gave me his old belt, I took it, gave him a hug, told him how proud I was of him and he ran back to the group.  Did I mention I suck?  Only good thing is, I don’t think he realized it last night!

So now on to the Irish funny story.

When I was pregnant, I got an amniocentesis.  I don’t recommend this procedure to anyone (that is another story).  So when you go into the doctor’s office, you have to fill out paperwork.  This helps them determine your ‘risk’ factors.  One of the questions is Ethnicity.  So I put down mine…  Irish, German, Scottish, Indian… and turn to my husband…

Me: “What are you?”

Him: “Irish”

Me: “And”

Him: “Irish”

Me: “seriously, come on.”

Him: “I am serious”

Me: “I have to put this shit down on here.”

Him: “I’m 100% Irish.”

Me: “Bullshit”

Him: *blank stare*

You see how this went.  So I put down Irish…  So now this is a joke around here…  (he is NOT 100% Irish by the way…)  But somehow, now my son is 100% Irish.  Go figure….  I can’t win.

wasting time?


Boy, I feel like I have done a lot today, and I also feel that I have been wasting time!  I have re-vamped my blogs, changed the colors and the formats and I had so much fun doing that!

I’ve played the Wii with my son…    I get so tickled when he has to explain the game to me and what I am supposed to be doing!  Now I can date my self severely with this next statement, but the last video game I played before we got the Wii, was Atari.

Long time ago!

Today is a good day.  Tonight and tomorrow are bringing me hope of things getting back on track.

This last week has been awesome for me.  I have lost all of the anxiety I have felt over the last 2 years, I have a plan, I have hope in my future playing out like I envision it.  I have connected with some really great people.

Southland was awesome 🙂

Wine was good.

My son was green at school.

My husband… well I’m not supposed to talk about him on here anymore… but he had a good week too! 🙂

Hope everyone else is doing the things they want.  Being the person they want to be and driving toward the thing in life that you really want to do.  There is nothing more exciting.  Nothing more ‘free-ing’.  Nothing more needed.

Here’s to us!