Overwhelm


I am overwhelmed.

😦

Period.

I posted the song of my life right now “Bring on the rain” a while back…  then followed it up with “Unstoppable“….  The meanings behind those 2 songs haven’t changed.

I have never run a business.

I have never sold anything in my life.

I am a computer programmer… a good one… I can write a kick ass client/server or even Web Database application…  but when I started all this new business stuff, I had to do websites and shopping carts and eCommerce and PayPal and Merchant Gateways and, and, and…  I had total information overload…  C.O.M.P.L.E.T.E.L.Y. 

Not to mention designing and making  the jewelry, and organizing, and bank accounts, and tax numbers, and LLCs, and merchant accounts, and cooking dinner, and getting quality time with my family, and laundry, and  and, and…. the same stuff everyone has to deal with on a daily basis…

So in essence, I exploded.

But then I started to look at all the pieces of me lying around and I noticed something…

I have gotten a lot done.

A lot of behind the scenes stuff is set.

I have made some things and something…

So slowly, I’m putting the pieces together where they go… 

Having appreciation for what they are and what they mean…

My mom, family, friends, husband and son are also finding ways to help me pick up the pieces and make them shine again…

I am overwhelmed…

🙂

Bring on the Rain


As some may know, I recently found a song that *currently* represents my life (thanks to a post by Sally G)

Currently, these lyrics are  my status on Facebook – but I thought it would be cathartic to explain in a little more detail, why these are my lyrics at the moment.  (and FYI – this is mostly about my career, and a specific personal situation – if you know me, you know what I’m talking about)

Plus it is a beautiful song sung by Jo Dee Messina and Tim McGraw… I hope you enjoy it!

(Billy Montana/Helen Darling)

Another day has almost come and gone,
Can’t imagine what else could go wrong.

**well I can imagine – but that is another post

Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door.

**Actually have done that.. doors locked, alarm set, ambien taken #justsaying

A single battle lost but not the war.

*******NEVER THE WAR – #iwillalwaysprevail #justsaying

‘Cause tomorrow’s another day
and I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain.

**reminds me of gone with the wind, that I should drink more water, and that I am ready for whatever is coming – I know I *eventually* will handle it.

It’s almost like the hard times circle ’round.
A couple drops and they all start comin down.

**when it rains it pours right? Sure feels that way! #life

Yeah, I might feel defeated,

**and I do… I so do feel that way – or have most of last year and first of this one..  looking up though… 🙂

I might hang my head,

**I would if my shoulders weren’t plastered to my ears…  but then again, hanging my head in this instance stretches my neck out and it feels better – especially with a hard sigh #seriously

I might be barely breathing, but I’m not dead.

**Hell yes

No, cause tomorrow’s another day,
and I’m thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain.

**again. same as above – by this point in the song I realize that the rain I drink in makes me stronger…  #liveandlearn

No I’m not gonna let it get me down.
I’m not cry,
and I’m not gonna lose any sleep tonight.

**well I have cried, I have lost sleep and I have let it get me down, but not anymore! #havetolistentothissongalotsometimes

‘Cause tomorrow’s another day,
and I am not afraid,
so bring on the rain.

**I am NOT AFRAID – and I love that line

tomorrow’s another day,
and I’m thirsty anyway,
so bring on the rain.

No I’m not gonna let get me down,
I’m not gonna cry.
so bring on the rain.

Bring on the rain
Bring on the rain

What say you?  This song may not resonate with everyone right now – I so hope it doesn’t – but when you feel like this…  jam this song really loud and sing to your heart’s content – it helps 🙂

I listen to the song in the car…  my son has said “I like this song , mommy!” and he proceeds to sing the lyrics really loud… Then asks “Why do we want it to rain?  We can’t swim when it rains”  I’m telling you, that boy can make my day – and actually does – every.single.day. 🙂

wasting time?


Boy, I feel like I have done a lot today, and I also feel that I have been wasting time!  I have re-vamped my blogs, changed the colors and the formats and I had so much fun doing that!

I’ve played the Wii with my son…    I get so tickled when he has to explain the game to me and what I am supposed to be doing!  Now I can date my self severely with this next statement, but the last video game I played before we got the Wii, was Atari.

Long time ago!

Today is a good day.  Tonight and tomorrow are bringing me hope of things getting back on track.

This last week has been awesome for me.  I have lost all of the anxiety I have felt over the last 2 years, I have a plan, I have hope in my future playing out like I envision it.  I have connected with some really great people.

Southland was awesome 🙂

Wine was good.

My son was green at school.

My husband… well I’m not supposed to talk about him on here anymore… but he had a good week too! 🙂

Hope everyone else is doing the things they want.  Being the person they want to be and driving toward the thing in life that you really want to do.  There is nothing more exciting.  Nothing more ‘free-ing’.  Nothing more needed.

Here’s to us!

more motivation please!


Oh my!!  I sure do feel like I need more motivation…

This really has been a bad year, a good year and a meh year!  Maybe my blah feeling at the moment comes from the fact that it is raining and Monday, and Monday, and Monday???  Did I mention the rain? 🙂

I don’t have the wherewithal to write all of the reasons this has been a bad year.  Just suffice it to say that I have been at the brink of my emotional limit way too often this year so far.  Some of the things have been resolving themselves, but some haven’t and in the meantime have been taking their toll on me.

It has been a good year with my family.  Mostly…  ( I mean the fact that my uncle has stage 4 liver, and colon cancer is obviously part of my bad year…)

My son is awesome and is so sweet and growing every day into a great person….   Even though I got my heart ripped out by being told that he hates me (I still didn’t expect that until much later) – but we sat and talked about it and hopefully he realizes now that those are very strong words!!  Still OUCH though!

I know I am biased – I freely admit that he has ADD –  only in the fact that he is 3 (turning 4 soon)… but he really does have empathy and I am so grateful for that – here’s hoping that is what will keep him from the “I hate you” in the future!!  *fingers crossed* 🙂

Another good thing about this year is that I finally starting working out again… I know they say it took you 9 months to put on pregnancy weight and 9 months to take it off is usual…  but considering that it has been almost 4 years – I am well overdue!!  I am so grateful that I found someone here to workout with!  Working out by yourself (when you don’t have the motivation) – and even then – is SOOO hard!  Since we are seeing results and finding that we have more energy – this is really helpful!  Plus I made a new friend! WOO HOO – can’t beat that!

So what do I need more motivation for?

EVERYTHING!!!  Sometimes, like today as I was driving into my office, I couldn’t help but wish I was sitting on an island in a hammock reading a book.  No phones, no computer, no people – nothing but peace and quiet (except for the ocean)  Though I assume that is a dream or thought most people have all the time!

I need to plan a nice relaxing trip for me and hubby!  We need it…  Also a trip that I want to take soon is to teach my son Skiing… He is old enough now!!  I hope he hasn’t gotten so used to the FL heat that he won’t enjoy the snow!! Talking hubby into going to the slopes is going to be a feat though!  Last trip everyone got the 24 hour stomach flu – it was BAD – and that was hubby’s first and only trip to the slopes… so he isn’t as eager to go as I am! LOL

OK- well off to motivate myself to get some stuff done! 🙂

good intentions!


OHHH I have SUCH good intentions!

Today – was not as good as it should have been!  My workout partner had to cancel on me today – and did I work out by myself?? HELL NO – I DID NOT!!  Come on!!  I can do better than this!

Now it is 1 am – and I need to go to sleep – The prodigal perfect 3 year old – is going to be waking me up a few hours from now!!  So since it is already tomorrow – and I have just eaten another packet of Fruit Snacks – I think it is time to take a deep breath and prepare for today to be better than yesterday!

Hubby also has to realized that pizza night just doesn’t help!  And then telling me that I should not be eating that ice cream – well, come on – that doesn’t help! 🙂

Why oh why – do all of the things that are good for you have to taste so bad and all the awesome tasting stuff have to be so bad for you?? WHY??

Motivation is a bitch!

Motivation


Someone please tell me – How do you focus, channel and implement your motivation?

In my head, I have all the motivation in the world.  I want to get up , work out, start my day clear headed and early, do some good work – get ahead, come home, work out, cook dinner and spend quality time with my son – and then relax when he goes to bed, read, write, whatever…

However – my day just doesn’t seem to be that productive!  All the things that I want to do to get healthy seems to fall by the wayside!  I eat food that tastes good – and is so not good for you, takes me forever to get my head going in the right direction in the morning – so no working out in the morning…  I can get up at 7 – but not even begin to feel productive until 10 –

But enough whining.  today is Sunday – Tomorrow is the beginning of a new week – I plan to get up in the morning – walk on the treadmill and then start my day the way I want it to go – get the ideas that are always in my head, and implement them.  That includes at work – there are so many things and projects that can be started!

Here’s hoping that I can actually pull it out and do it – I know I will slip – but I have got to try!!