Parenting Skills


I’ve been thinking a lot lately about parenting skills.

The ones I have…  The ones I don’t have… or think I don’t have…

The ones others do or don’t have.

Boy, do I have a headache from all of that!

What prompted this?  You mean besides the never-ending conversation that goes through my head (and surely most parent’s heads)…  Am I doing the right things with my son?  Does he know that I love him?  Is he happy?  Does he have everything he needs?  Does he eat healthy enough?  Am I sending him into therapy later because of my actions…  and a million more actually…

Confession time (those that know me already know this though) – I have a temper.  I yell.  One good thing though, when I am over it, I’m over it.  I don’t bring it up again, I get it all out and I’m done.

I have a few friends that probably still to this day ‘can handle it’, but they don’t get it.  They are quiet and keep a lot inside.  I just don’t ever do that.  My husband (and yes, I’m aware I’m supposed to minimize what I write about him in the blog, but…) he doesn’t yell.  Well he does, but I have to really push him to it and even then it is not a lot.  Me on the other hand, the neighbors 3 houses down can hear me. #justsaying #notproudofit

What’s the point of sharing that completely unflattering personality trait of mine?  To kind of explain what happened this week.  Let me preface though by stating that over the last year, I have worked extra hard to curb my yelling.  doing the walking away thing, the breathing, etc… and it has been working… I am A LOT better… but still…

The other morning, I woke up my son as usual, asked him what he wanted for breakfast, came down stairs and made it. (Toasted Peanut Butter and Jelly) Put it on the table.

He comes into the kitchen and starts whining and crying because he wanted what he asked for.  I tell him to go sit down at the dining room table.  I figured when he gets in there, he’ll see I made him what he asked for and he will be happy and eat.

Silence.

I gather up my very healthy English muffin (which is what made him start crying when he saw it) and go into the dining room.

He had taken his plate and slid it across the table.  He starts whining and crying again.

I pick up the plate, go into the kitchen and tell him that he can just have a breakfast bar.  He says he will throw it away.

I lost it.

I start yelling.  He starts crying.  I tell him that I made him what he asked for and he threw it across the table, so he can go without breakfast.

Now he wants it.  He starts crying more…  I yell more…

He says in between gulping breaths “You hurt my feelings, You hurt my heart”

I pause, steel myself to keep from crying and throwing up and die a little in my own heart.

I calm down.

Then we have a 5 minute discussion about the fact that I made him what he asked for and he disrespected me by not even looking and then acting so badly.

I tell him that he hurt my feelings and my heart too.  He apologizes.  I apologize.

Now let’s move on to some good parenting… I think…. 🙂

WOW..  So I take him to school and then go to karate class, where the instructor works ALL of the energy out of me. WHEW.

Then yesterday, his school (he is in pre-kindergarten) had a field trip.  I took forever to sign the permission slip.  Am I just weird?  Freaks me out to think of him going off of the school grounds.  I am not sure when I am going to ever stop feeling like that… if I ever do…  So I reached a compromise… I let him go, he could ride on the bus…  but I signed up to chaperon the event and would follow the bus.  Closely. Seriously.  I ask again, am I crazy?  Don’t answer that! 🙂

When we got there, I was in charge of my son (of course) and another child…  We had a spectacular time!  Though note to self… when you have to hold 2 little boy’s hands, leave your purse in the car…  lesson learned.

They didn’t plan the timing very well… when snack time came around, we were way out and in the middle of something…  kids started complaining!  My son said, “Ugh, I’m out of energy, I’m empty” and the other little boy said, “I’m hungry, where is my snack.”

Ummmm…

Luckily, I had put my son’s snack in my purse (maybe not such a bad thing that I was awkward carrying it now).  I pulled out the Cheese-its and they shared… (and a few other kids came running over too).  Then we tracked back to the bus to get the packed snacks and for about 15 minutes the kids were all quiet!  Maybe they did time that right after all?

So now I’ve covered one of my bad parenting skills (yelling) and one of my good ones (being prepared)…  The questions still flow through my head all the time… but I am learning to find the answers…  Seeing what I am doing wrong, and what I am doing right…. and hopefully I will fill up the ‘I rock’ side soon and leave the ‘I suck’ side lonely… 🙂

Devastated


I am not sure if I should be devastated or not. After I wrote my post the other day “Trouble already” – I went to the school to pick up my son…

They give him a status every day for his behavior… ‘Green’, ‘Yellow’, and ‘Red’… This is his first week at an ‘actual school’.  Day one he was green – I think every kid got a green on day 1…  Day 2- he got the Yellow for saying ‘NO’ – which prompted my last post…

So when I went to school  to pick him up on Wednesday and saw that his status was a HUGE RED… with the words “very disrespectful to teachers”, my heart just sunk.  I had talked to him Tuesday night AND Wednesday morning – trying to get him to realize that he had to be nice to his teachers.

Well, the teacher happened to come back in while I was trying to figure out what had happened.  I was informed by her that he would not sit in time out, he lifted up her skirt and smacked her on the leg, told her “NO” every time she asked him to sit down or pay attention.  She also let me know that ‘obviously’ talking to him didn’t help (My reaction here was that it had only been ONE day) – then she let me know that my child was the worst in the class.  This is where I ask – should I be devastated or not???  I was – definitely was!

So I tried to write down all of the things that have been going on with him and why he might be mis-behaving.

  1. He had 3 different teachers in the last 3 months at the old daycare…
  2. Not going to give details, but I have been very stressed the last 8 months – and I think this has affected him…  Actually I know it has!
  3. He is the youngest in his class – just turned 4 a couple of weeks ago…
  4. we moved to Florida a year ago, and then in May bought this house so we moved again…
  5. His father and I have not been consistent in disciplining him when he says no… (I know this is the key)
  6. He has always had issues with sleep (naps and bedtime) and now that we have to be scheduled, along with all the changes lately…
  7. He is off the charts in height, so he looks like he’s about 6… I believe this makes people expect too much from him!

So I decided to be proactive and make an appointment with a psychologist…  in all honesty I believe that I am the one that needs counseling on how to handle all that has been going on.. All I want is to raise a Happy, Healthy child – and I really do have a great son… so I am going to try to learn how to keep him that way!

This is the way I ended the note to the teacher..

“C really is a wonderful child.  He is empathetic, loving, caring, funny, helpful, and curious. He loves to learn, he asks questions trying to figure things out, has pretty good logic… and if he is interested in something – he really focuses.  I believe that he wants to always ask questions and has trouble when he is just told NO, with no explanation.  We are going to decide on certain things that are ‘RULES’ that he always has to follow without explanation, but I also want to find a way not to squash his inherent logic and curiosity by not allowing him to question things.  Hopefully, between us, the doctor and you all, we can find a way!”

So am I over-reacting??

Rejected! BLAM!


I have been sitting here TRYING to read my new book on SQL SERVER 2008 (yeah, I’m a geek). It is a very hard thing to do… it leaves me wondering… how in the world do you get through a whole chapter without your eyes glazing over? I guess the fact that I have my ipod plugged in and I catch myself doing a little dance – or that someone I’m following on Twitter has Tweeted doesn’t help much either!

I saw a great video on twitter from @SteveIsaacs about twitiquette… found it through a RT by @Alyssa_Milano … He has a few and they are good. I then went out and tried to find people I thought were funny or might have good tweets – non famous people – because I thought there might actually be a chance to get a reply from someone who didn’t have thousands of people following them… So I found one person – @WitchyWriter – got to that ID by clicking through NCIS stuff – she had some funny comments about Dexter and I thought OK – I’ll follow… of course I then got blocked!! wow – rejection!! oh well, I will survive! I think I blocked a few people at first b/c I thought “I haven’t even posted yet – why would they follow me” thought it was an auto thing… I wonder how to unblock them???

So I will go clicking again later and see if I can find some interesting people… I have replied to a few of the famous people – supposedly – still not sure how you tell if it is the real person or not – some are very funny regardless – and post interesting links! I have yet to get one reply back though! 😦 – I guess it could be b/c I’m boring… NAH – that CAN’T be it!

I did get a DM from Cesar Millan – but I imagine everyone who follows him does! I love watching the Dog Whisperer! My mother is a Veterinarian and she gives his advice all the time and tries to tell people that they need to train themselves!! 🙂

OK – well now that I am done with my snack (protein bar) – I guess I better get back to reading, glazing, reading, dancing, reading, twittering, reading, glazing… you get the picture!!

it is addicting


I don’t know what has gotten into me. I have started working out again – been trying to get more work done, trying to catch up and keep up with friends… and then I decide to get on twitter and create this blog!

The twitter thing is addictive and I have been feeling like I did ‘back in the day’ when I joined AOL and would sit there all night in chat rooms talking about mostly useless stuff – but having fun sharing ideas and hearing opinions and debating topics!

What is different about Twitter is that you can supposedly follow celebrities and actually tweet them back – I have no idea if any of them are the real people or just someone using the name – though I do believe that aplusk is Ashton Kutcher – mainly from the publicity… but he sends some very interesting tweets pointing to cool songs, stories, etc…

I have yet to get a reply from anyone on anything that I posted – on Twitter or in this blog – but that is ok… I feel like I am getting my voice out there and I think that over time I will start to formulate these posts even better and maybe they will be interesting 🙂

funny having people follow you that you have never heard of – I wonder if there is some search that says “new people” because I am not sure where all of these people following came from, or why they would want to! I lead a pretty boring life… Wake up, get my son ready for school, come to work, work, go to meetings, work, pick up my son, go home, work out, cook dinner, play with my son, put him to bed, watch some taped tv shows…. sleep, repeat! 🙂

Though I think I would like to change that – One: I would like to finish some of my novels and start editing them (having family read them) and see if they are worthy to try to publish! I also was talking again last night about Medical School and how I regret not going – may need to look back into that… I dropped the plan I had to take the remaining classes I needed and then take the MCAT last year when I was given this opportunity to work at the job I have now… Turns out the opportunity may still be here – but too many things have happened for the timeline to be the same… kind of frustrating! So something to think about…. take classes – fit them into my schedule… go to medical school – obviously have no salary while going to school – and have to assume a lot of debt to do it – only to start out on the ‘bottom’ of the ladder again… Even though I know that is what I should be doing – it is a big undertaking later in life when I have a family and bills, etc!! Going to take some deep contemplation!