If this blog is in your Google Reader or bookmarked or you subscribe… (and BTW – thanks SO much if you do)..
I have merged RandomShelly, MotivateMeDaily and TheRoadBackToSexy – into one blog… WOO HOO… no more confusion, or worrying (on my part if I should put a thought or post somewhere else…)
They are now located at www.randomshelly.com When you go there, the main focus is the store… but my blogs are me, the jewelry is me and I FINALLY decided that I want them all together…
and if you subscribed to more than one of them, wow, and you will get this post more than once – since I am making this my last post on these sites and will leave them up for a short time…
I launched the site before everything was perfect – so I WILL have issues… but I needed to get out of my own way and just get on with it already! I thought I had lost all my comments when I moved the blog – but I didn’t! woo hoo! I love my comments!
I hope you enjoy the new site and as just stated, I love comments, suggestions, and definitely let me know if you find any issues!!
I posted the song of my life right now “Bring on the rain” a while back… then followed it up with “Unstoppable“…. The meanings behind those 2 songs haven’t changed.
I have never run a business.
I have never sold anything in my life.
I am a computer programmer… a good one… I can write a kick ass client/server or even Web Database application… but when I started all this new business stuff, I had to do websites and shopping carts and eCommerce and PayPal and Merchant Gateways and, and, and… I had total information overload… C.O.M.P.L.E.T.E.L.Y.
Not to mention designing and making the jewelry, and organizing, and bank accounts, and tax numbers, and LLCs, and merchant accounts, and cooking dinner, and getting quality time with my family, and laundry, and and, and…. the same stuff everyone has to deal with on a daily basis…
So in essence, I exploded.
But then I started to look at all the pieces of me lying around and I noticed something…
I have gotten a lot done.
A lot of behind the scenes stuff is set.
I have made some things and something…
So slowly, I’m putting the pieces together where they go…
Having appreciation for what they are and what they mean…
My mom, family, friends, husband and son are also finding ways to help me pick up the pieces and make them shine again…
I started off the day with a wonderful “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” from my husband and then my son…
My son then informed me that he needed to stay home from school with me for my birthday… and that since I watched him get his new belt in testing last night.. that he needed to sit and watch me get my belt this morning… (I did get my new belt, btw – it was fun! :))
As cute as that was… and it was… he went to school…
My mom picked him up at 11:30 (actual let out time for VPK) and took him to get my present… I told her he could get me a travel coffee mug – I use those a LOT…
So they come home.. and he hands me a dozen roses… AWWWWW…
Mom said she tried to get him to buy the pretty sunflowers, but he said ‘NO, he wanted me to have those’ – how freaking awesome is that?
So he picked out a pink travel mug… it HAD to be pink he said – and he also bought me some Junior Mints – my favorite… (at my mom’s bidding I’m sure) – so when I opened them, he tried one and said, “mmm… minty” (Have I mentioned lately how awesome he is?)
Hubby’s gift to me, by the way, was a request from me (don’t ask)… and that he has to take me to see Sex and the City 2 this weekend (can’t wait).
I have had an awesome birthday so far… I know tonight will be just as good! I am truly blessed I tell ya!
As most of you know, my taste is music is pretty varied… Looking at my iPod right now, to prove the point, the next songs in the list are : Coolio, Garth Brooks, Frank Sinatra, Nickelback, The Fray, Pink, Barry Manilow, Shakira, Chris Blake, Carrie Underwood… (I only go into this because the songs I’ve posted references to… are country… that could be a whole other post – why country songs offer so much inspiration… #justsaying)
Ok – so in that 10 I did not hit the song I am referencing today (this particular list has 143 songs)…
So, as I was driving home the song by Rascal Flatts “Unstoppable” came on… I love that song…
Obviously, or it wouldn’t be in my list #duh.
I think it goes nicely with my last post “Bring on the Rain” – and shows where I’m headed…
I came home, got on You Tube to find the video – and came across this one with the Olympics… I have put the lyrics under the video with my own comments about the song relating to me… but if you haven’t watch the video – GREAT SONG, great inspiration from the Olympians…
“Unstoppable”
Yeah yeah yeah..
Hey
So, so you made a lot of mistakes Walked down the road a little sideways Cracked a brick when you hit the wall Yeah, you’ve had a pocket full of regrets Pull you down faster than a sunset Hey, it happens to us all
Yes it does… to us all, some more than others, I’ve made my share of mistakes, but I have taken responsibility for them all – so no real regrets…
When the cold hard rain just won’t quit And you can’t see your way out of it
I hate that people ever feel like this… I may get down at times – but I have never felt that I couldn’t see my way out… Well that is kind of a lie – there was the one big big big situation that at first I was SURE I would never get out of… but… I did (Thanks family)
CHORUS You find your faith has been lost and shaken You take back what’s been taken Get on your knees and dig down deep You can do what you think is impossible Keep on believing, don’t give in It’ll come and make you whole again It always will, it always does Love is unstoppable
My FAVORITE line – “it always does… Love is unstoppable”
Love, it can weather any storm, Bring you back to being born, again oh, it’s a helping hand when you need it most A lighthouse shining on the coast That never goes dim
When your heart is full of doubt And you think that there’s no way out
CHORUS
Like a river keeps on rolling Like the north wind blowing Don’t it feel good knowing Yeah
CHORUS
Love is unstoppable So you made a lot of mistakes Walked down the road a little sideways Love, love is unstoppable
So, so you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
Cracked a brick when you hit the wall
Yeah, you’ve had a pocketfull of regrets
Pull you down faster than a sunset
Hey, it happens to us all
Yes it does… to us all, some more than others, I’ve made my share of mistakes, but I have taken responsibility for them all – so no real regrets…
When the cold, hard rain just won’t quit
And you can’t see your way out of it
I hate that people ever feel like this… I may get down at times – but I have never felt that I couldn’t see my way out… Well that is kind of a lie – there was the one big big big situation that at first I was SURE I would never get out of… but… I did (Thanks family)
[Chorus]
You find your faith that’s been lost and shaken
You take back what’s been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don’t give in
It’ll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable
My FAVORITE line – “it always does… Love is unstoppable”
Love, it can weather any storm
Bring you back to being born, again
Oh, it’s the helping hand
When you needed it most
The lightouse shining on the coast
That never goes dim
When your heart is full of doubt
As you think that there’s no way out
[Chorus]
You find your faith that’s been lost and shaken
You take back what’s been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don’t give in
It’ll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable
It’s unstoppable
Like a river keeps on rollin’
Like a north wind blowin’
Don’t it feel good knowin’
Yeah–
[Chorus]
You find your faith that’s been lost and shaken
You take back what’s been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don’t give in
It’ll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable
Love is unstoppable
So, so you made a lot of mistakes
Walked down the road a little sideways
But love, love is unstoppable
As some may know, I recently found a song that *currently* represents my life (thanks to a post by Sally G)
Currently, these lyrics are my status on Facebook – but I thought it would be cathartic to explain in a little more detail, why these are my lyrics at the moment. (and FYI – this is mostly about my career, and a specific personal situation – if you know me, you know what I’m talking about)
Plus it is a beautiful song sung by Jo Dee Messina and Tim McGraw… I hope you enjoy it!
(Billy Montana/Helen Darling)
Another day has almost come and gone,
Can’t imagine what else could go wrong.
**well I can imagine – but that is another post
Sometimes I’d like to hide away somewhere and lock the door.
**Actually have done that.. doors locked, alarm set, ambien taken #justsaying
A single battle lost but not the war.
*******NEVER THE WAR – #iwillalwaysprevail #justsaying
‘Cause tomorrow’s another day
and I’m thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain.
**reminds me of gone with the wind, that I should drink more water, and that I am ready for whatever is coming – I know I *eventually* will handle it.
It’s almost like the hard times circle ’round.
A couple drops and they all start comin down.
**when it rains it pours right? Sure feels that way! #life
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
**and I do… I so do feel that way – or have most of last year and first of this one.. looking up though… 🙂
I might hang my head,
**I would if my shoulders weren’t plastered to my ears… but then again, hanging my head in this instance stretches my neck out and it feels better – especially with a hard sigh #seriously
I might be barely breathing, but I’m not dead.
**Hell yes
No, cause tomorrow’s another day,
and I’m thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain.
**again. same as above – by this point in the song I realize that the rain I drink in makes me stronger… #liveandlearn
No I’m not gonna let it get me down.
I’m not cry,
and I’m not gonna lose any sleep tonight.
**well I have cried, I have lost sleep and I have let it get me down, but not anymore! #havetolistentothissongalotsometimes
‘Cause tomorrow’s another day,
and I am not afraid,
so bring on the rain.
**I am NOT AFRAID – and I love that line
tomorrow’s another day,
and I’m thirsty anyway,
so bring on the rain.
No I’m not gonna let get me down,
I’m not gonna cry.
so bring on the rain.
Bring on the rain
Bring on the rain
What say you? This song may not resonate with everyone right now – I so hope it doesn’t – but when you feel like this… jam this song really loud and sing to your heart’s content – it helps 🙂
I listen to the song in the car… my son has said “I like this song , mommy!” and he proceeds to sing the lyrics really loud… Then asks “Why do we want it to rain? We can’t swim when it rains” I’m telling you, that boy can make my day – and actually does – every.single.day. 🙂
I went back over the ’30 days to changing your game” series… I read through the posts and the comments again.
I realized how many people I follow on Twitter or follow their blogs, I met through this series. Wonderful people. Generous people. Caring people. Supportive people. #awesome #amazing
I had actually forgotten how many of the people I interact with came from this series… again – amazing 🙂
I also realized that there were things I thought, imagined and swore I was going to do/change while those 30 days went on. I haven’t done all of them. I have done some of them.
When the series started, I found myself hesitant to comment… I read the posts and comments and had opinions (of course), but I didn’t lend my voice… I can’t imagine being hesitant any more.. so chalk up at least one thing I learned and accomplished. (and I did get better in the end!)
While those 30 days were going on… I had to keep asking myself what I wanted to change, what I wanted to do… and all I could come up with evolved around writing and getting myself back into shape.
Now? Well, I resigned from that very, very well paying job. I have started 2 companies and am trying to get them off the ground.
I still want to write, for sure, but I have not. <<will work on that…
All of the anxiety and the bad ‘mojo’ from last year has been eliminated from my soul.
I have gone through days of pure joy.
I have gone through days of pure hell.
I have gone through days of a roller coaster ride of both… 🙂
I have re-connected with some of the people – the tribe I met through this series… and that makes me smile.
Where am I now? I am sitting on that wall between WTF am I doing… and I love what I’m planning and want to do! Hope it works! I know that when Sally reads this, she will give me a HARD shove away from the WTF! 🙂
Why is this so hard for me?
I think if I were single, I would be in a different mindset… but, I may have just moved to a different location and gotten a job doing the same old thing for some robotic corporation… (programming database applications, system architecture, etc… or as my husband and mother put it… computer geek shit).
If I were single, I wouldn’t worry if this would work…
But I am not single, nor do I plan to be, so I must move forward and MAKE this work.
After becoming unemployed – resigned without a next step in place… (YIKES!)… I wrote down everything that I am good at doing, and everything that I ENJOY doing… and this is where the 2 companies came from…
I decided a few things…
I do NOT want to work for anyone (permanently) again.
I do NOT want to go to useless meetings.
I do NOT want to sit in a cubicle and be a drone.
I DO want to get in, do projects and move on.
I DO want to do something that I love.
Having a husband, a 4 year old, and a dog that depend on my ability to pay the bills has really been the only thing that has caused me anxiety over this adventure.
Well, setting up the actual business stuff has produced some too, considering I have never done this stuff…
But the end result? I’m happy. I’m excited. I’m ready.
So in essence, this post is a shout out to Sarah and her series…. the tribe of people I met through it, and the support I have gotten through my online community, both people from this series and not…
I also have extremely great support from people I met through supporting Southland, NCIS, Stargate and other great shows, along with other people that I am not sure how I ‘met’ – but am grateful that I did!! #justsaying (need to write a good Follow Friday Post and call out these great people individually… I will 🙂 soon…)
What would I like for Mother’s Day? Well, for starters, I would like a whole day without someone questioning the choices I make for my son.
If I want to send him junk food in his lunch, I will.
If I think it is OK that he touched some other 4-year-old girl’s hair at school, I am not going to punish him because he got YELLOW at school for doing that. I guess I can’t argue with their ‘rules’, but PUH-LEASE… I remember being knocked down, jumped on and wrestled. He touched a girl’s hair and patted it (like he does mine.) Get.over.it.
If I throw away one of his toys because he threw it down the stairs, I will. (obviously this is after telling him that is what would happen if he did it again)
If I want to make him eat at the table and sit up straight. I will.
If I don’t feel that a 4-year-old who has great teeth needs to go to the dentist RIGHT NOW. I won’t take him.
If I feel it is OK for him to watch a movie. He will.
If I decide to let him play the DS. He will.
Get the point? 🙂
Sheesh… bad week for me I guess… but come on.
Anyway, on to some lighter stuff and less BS…
Well some time during the last month, my son has come up with new sayings… I should really write them down when I laugh at them… but, I really haven’t. I think I will remember them, but obviously I don’t… 😦
His absolutely favorite one right now is : “Mommy, I need to tell you something”
If I have heard that once, I’ve heard it 1,000 times lately… Though we have finally learned the difference between telling and asking…
So actually about half of them are “I need to ask you something.”
His questions and things he has to tell you are interesting… He gets so excited about things!
He has also been setting rules for things… and everything is a competition… luckily, he always picks me for his team.. 🙂
He has such an awesome imagination.. sometimes I just get enthralled in the stuff he comes up with.
So ultimately I have what I want for mother’s day.. I have an awesome kid… seriously. I know I am biased, but he is a smart, caring, empathetic, curious child. 🙂 He has his moments… what kid doesn’t… but mostly, they only last for a VERY short time and he moves on…
A great example was in the pool the other day, He asked me…
“Do you hate me because I got in trouble at school?”
“I will never hate you sweetie…”
“You will always love me?”
“Yes, of course I will always, always love you.”
“Even when I’m bad?”
“Yes, even when you are bad, I will love you.”
“Will you always like me?”
“Hmm… yes, I will always like you. I may be mad at something you did, but I will always like YOU”
“So you love me forever and ever and always?”
“Yes, forever and ever and always.”
“I love you mommy”
“I love you too sweetie”
So my mother’s day is already special because not only do I ignore most of the people telling me how to raise my child (99.9% of the time) – my child loves me…
He tells me that every day at least 10 times. I tell him that just as many times too. I cherish those times, those words, the love I see in his eyes, the hugs I get and the cuddles. I know there will come a day when I won’t get that as much, but my goal is to never let that light of love in his eyes diminish! 🙂
So Happy Mother’s Day to every mother out there… whether you are aware of it or not, if you love your children, they know it. We all have moments, we all make iffy decisions and we all do the best that we can… I question myself all the time… but I learn from my mistakes, I make sure he knows he is loved and I listen to what he has to say. It’s the best that I can do.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about parenting skills.
The ones I have… The ones I don’t have… or think I don’t have…
The ones others do or don’t have.
Boy, do I have a headache from all of that!
What prompted this? You mean besides the never-ending conversation that goes through my head (and surely most parent’s heads)… Am I doing the right things with my son? Does he know that I love him? Is he happy? Does he have everything he needs? Does he eat healthy enough? Am I sending him into therapy later because of my actions… and a million more actually…
Confession time (those that know me already know this though) – I have a temper. I yell. One good thing though, when I am over it, I’m over it. I don’t bring it up again, I get it all out and I’m done.
I have a few friends that probably still to this day ‘can handle it’, but they don’t get it. They are quiet and keep a lot inside. I just don’t ever do that. My husband (and yes, I’m aware I’m supposed to minimize what I write about him in the blog, but…) he doesn’t yell. Well he does, but I have to really push him to it and even then it is not a lot. Me on the other hand, the neighbors 3 houses down can hear me. #justsaying #notproudofit
What’s the point of sharing that completely unflattering personality trait of mine? To kind of explain what happened this week. Let me preface though by stating that over the last year, I have worked extra hard to curb my yelling. doing the walking away thing, the breathing, etc… and it has been working… I am A LOT better… but still…
The other morning, I woke up my son as usual, asked him what he wanted for breakfast, came down stairs and made it. (Toasted Peanut Butter and Jelly) Put it on the table.
He comes into the kitchen and starts whining and crying because he wanted what he asked for. I tell him to go sit down at the dining room table. I figured when he gets in there, he’ll see I made him what he asked for and he will be happy and eat.
Silence.
I gather up my very healthy English muffin (which is what made him start crying when he saw it) and go into the dining room.
He had taken his plate and slid it across the table. He starts whining and crying again.
I pick up the plate, go into the kitchen and tell him that he can just have a breakfast bar. He says he will throw it away.
I lost it.
I start yelling. He starts crying. I tell him that I made him what he asked for and he threw it across the table, so he can go without breakfast.
Now he wants it. He starts crying more… I yell more…
He says in between gulping breaths “You hurt my feelings, You hurt my heart”
I pause, steel myself to keep from crying and throwing up and die a little in my own heart.
I calm down.
Then we have a 5 minute discussion about the fact that I made him what he asked for and he disrespected me by not even looking and then acting so badly.
I tell him that he hurt my feelings and my heart too. He apologizes. I apologize.
Now let’s move on to some good parenting… I think…. 🙂
WOW.. So I take him to school and then go to karate class, where the instructor works ALL of the energy out of me. WHEW.
Then yesterday, his school (he is in pre-kindergarten) had a field trip. I took forever to sign the permission slip. Am I just weird? Freaks me out to think of him going off of the school grounds. I am not sure when I am going to ever stop feeling like that… if I ever do… So I reached a compromise… I let him go, he could ride on the bus… but I signed up to chaperon the event and would follow the bus. Closely. Seriously. I ask again, am I crazy? Don’t answer that! 🙂
When we got there, I was in charge of my son (of course) and another child… We had a spectacular time! Though note to self… when you have to hold 2 little boy’s hands, leave your purse in the car… lesson learned.
They didn’t plan the timing very well… when snack time came around, we were way out and in the middle of something… kids started complaining! My son said, “Ugh, I’m out of energy, I’m empty” and the other little boy said, “I’m hungry, where is my snack.”
Ummmm…
Luckily, I had put my son’s snack in my purse (maybe not such a bad thing that I was awkward carrying it now). I pulled out the Cheese-its and they shared… (and a few other kids came running over too). Then we tracked back to the bus to get the packed snacks and for about 15 minutes the kids were all quiet! Maybe they did time that right after all?
So now I’ve covered one of my bad parenting skills (yelling) and one of my good ones (being prepared)… The questions still flow through my head all the time… but I am learning to find the answers… Seeing what I am doing wrong, and what I am doing right…. and hopefully I will fill up the ‘I rock’ side soon and leave the ‘I suck’ side lonely… 🙂
**and let me add that I believe it is up to you, you control the things that happen and what you do with them (hence the title of the post)** 🙂
So, I know that the things that have been going on with me lately are crucial. They have purpose. I think I’ve discovered what the purpose is, now I need figure out what to do about it.
I read a blog post by Elizabeth Potts Weinstein the other day – you can read it here… I assume that subconsciously this post, the fact that I understand the feelings in it well, and then mix in the tweets I read from people on Twitter… is the reason that I experienced what I did… (and I left this comment on her blog)
Last night, I had a dream in a dream… Where @andybaldwin was following me around changing out my bad food for healthy, fresh food and making me exercise.
Why Andy Baldwin and not say Dr. Oz? I guess because he is a single, HOT navy doctor and I’ve been thinking of starting to get in shape to run a marathon #butimscared – anyway – I’m digressing…
So as he’s taking all my food and making me do stretches and exercises, He said, “you have to focus on you and get it right” and I gathered up my Kit Kats, Peanut M&Ms & Dr.Peppers and walked out to the car and said “If I was thinking about me, I wouldn’t be in this shape”
So I woke up and the first thought I had? SELF CARE. Live Your Truth talking to me for sure right? 🙂 (read the referenced blog and you will understand)
I know that I wasn’t just referring to my physical shape when talking about being in this shape…
I was talking about my health, my career, my livelihood, my happiness…
Then tonight… While Reading to my son… One of the Many Dr. Seuss books… We read “Oh, the places you’ll go!”
I brought the book down and then tweeted these two parts…
…And when you’re in a slump, you’re not in for much fun, Un-slumping yourself is not easily done…
…I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ’cause you’ll play against you…
He’s a smart man… that Dr. Seuss 🙂
So to end it off..
…But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl…
…On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.
…And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)
…Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So… get on your way!…
So… I originally started a post about this week being my son’s spring break… I couldn’t write anything other than that sentence.
Then last night, I felt like the worst mommy in the world. I got frustrated with my son, not only for his BAD behavior at bedtime, but for the entire week. So for this week, I suck as a mom.
I thought it would be good for us to go visit relatives around Florida.
We went to Ft. Meyers and then to Boca. We were going to go down to the keys too – but that got nipped.
So why does this make me suck?
Imagine taking a 4 year old to people’s houses who have EVERYTHING in its place. Don’t touch anything!
That really doesn’t make a good time with a 4 year old who doesn’t understand they can’t play with anything.
NOTE TO SELF: Disney world, Busch Gardens, Aquarium… anything for kids.
Lesson learned.
Now… today, I decided to spend the day in the pool with my son to make up for last night and to have fun.
As I am sure any mom knows, he already forgot about getting in trouble…
And we had a great day!
Oh, by the way, did I forget to mention that while playing in the pool with his dad, I swam over, and my precious little boy flew back in to me and broke my nose… again!
First on January 1st, and now on April 3rd!
So new rule… no tickling my son when I am around – or else make sure I never come up behind him again!
OUCH! I know the headache will last 2 weeks, so that should be fun. Only good thing is that it didn’t telescope this time, just crunched. I don’t think there is any doubt now that I will end up having the surgery when I can. ARRGGG!!
So tomorrow is the last day of spring break. We have plans to swim again and cook out.
I'm Not So Random 